Male sex toys
Prostate massage: anatomy, technique, and what it is not
The prostate is about two finger joints inside, towards the front of the body. Finding it is easy. Everything that goes wrong is about nails, lubricant, patience or a toy without a base.
The prostate is a gland roughly the size of a walnut, sitting below the bladder and surrounding the urethra. From inside the rectum it can be felt through the front wall, about five to seven centimeters in, as a firm rounded area distinct from the softer tissue around it. It is not a spot or a button, and it is not deep: people who cannot find it have usually gone too far in, not too shallow.
Stimulating it feels different from external stimulation, and the difference catches people out. The common first reaction is an urgent need to urinate, because the gland sits against the bladder and the urethra runs through it. That sensation is normal, it passes, and it is the reason most first attempts stop too early.
The rest of this page is procedure: how to find it, what to use, what to clean, and which symptoms mean stop. The toys built for this are covered in more detail on the prostate massager page, and only three are named here.
Finding it, with a finger, in seven steps
Cut your nails and wash your hands
Short, filed nails, hands washed, and a glove if you prefer one. Rectal tissue is thin and a nail edge is the most common cause of a small tear. A nitrile glove also makes clean-up trivial and is worth the cost.
Empty your bladder and bowels first
A normal bowel movement beforehand is enough. No enema is needed for finger or small-toy play, and frequent enemas irritate the lining and leave the tissue more fragile rather than cleaner.
Get comfortable in a position that opens the angle
On your back with knees pulled up, or on your side with the top knee drawn towards the chest, or squatting. Reaching your own prostate is awkward from behind, which is why lying on your back with a pillow under the hips works better than kneeling.
Use far more lubricant than you expect to need
The anus produces none. A thick water-based lubricant on the finger and around the opening, reapplied rather than rationed. If you are using a silicone toy, keep to water-based; with steel or glass, silicone lubricant lasts longer.
Enter slowly, pointing towards the navel
One finger, pad facing the front of the body, in as far as the second joint. Pause at the entrance until the muscle relaxes rather than pushing through it. Breathing out as you enter opens the ring; tensing closes it.
Curl the finger towards the front wall and feel for firmness
A come-here motion. You are feeling for a rounded firm area distinct from the softer wall around it, usually within five to seven centimeters. If everything feels soft, come back out slightly rather than going deeper.
Press and release rather than rubbing
Steady pressure, held for a few seconds, released, repeated. Small circles work too. Fast rubbing is what makes this sore, and the sensation builds slowly over several minutes rather than arriving at once, which is why giving up after sixty seconds is the usual mistake.
What it feels like, including the parts that worry people
- An urgent need to urinate. Very common at first, caused by the gland position against the bladder and urethra. It passes, and emptying the bladder beforehand makes it easier to ignore.
- Pressure or fullness rather than sharp pleasure. The usual first description. The intensity, where it arrives, builds over minutes.
- Clear fluid. Pre-ejaculate or prostatic fluid can appear without orgasm. Normal, and not a sign of anything.
- Nothing at all, on the first try. Common, and usually a position or angle problem rather than an anatomical one. A different position, more lubricant and more patience solve it more often than more pressure does.
- Pain. Not part of it. Sharp pain, burning or bright blood means stop, and they are covered below.
Three toys, and what each is for
- 1
The plainest place to start
AnerosAneros Helix / Progasm
No motor, no battery, no app. A rigid molded shape with an external arm that braces against the perineum, designed to be moved by your own muscles rather than by a hand. That is the point: it frees both hands and removes the reaching problem entirely, which is the main reason solo attempts fail.
- Strengths
- Nothing to charge and nothing to fail
- External arm doubles as a stop, so it cannot go anywhere
- Hands-free once in place, which solves the awkward angle
- Limitations
- Rigid, so the size and curve either fit you or do not
- Does nothing on its own: it needs the muscle contractions that take practice to find
- No vibration, which some people want and this cannot provide
- Best for
- A first prostate toy, and anyone who cannot comfortably reach.
- 2
If you want vibration without reaching
LovenseLovense Edge 2
An adjustable-angle prostate massager with two motors, driven from a phone or by a partner anywhere. The adjustability is the useful part rather than the app: prostate depth and angle vary enough between people that a fixed curve is a gamble.
- Strengths
- Angle of the head adjusts to fit, rather than hoping a fixed curve matches
- Two motors, one at the prostate and one at the perineum
- Can be controlled by someone else, in the room or not
- Limitations
- Depends on an app, an account and a charge
- Heavier and bulkier than the Aneros, so it shifts more when you move
- Learn where the physical button is before the first partner session
- Best for
- Vibration, hands-free, with the control somewhere other than your own hand.
- 3
If pressure alone is not enough
LeloLelo Loki Wave 2
A motorized arm that moves rather than only vibrating, which produces the come-here motion a finger makes instead of a static buzz. A different sensation from either of the above, and the closest a toy gets to what a hand does.
- Strengths
- Moving head reproduces the pressing motion rather than only vibrating
- Large handle, so it is easy to hold and easy to remove
- Waterproof and quiet for its size
- Limitations
- Expensive
- Large, which is the wrong first toy for most people
- Proprietary charging contacts
- Best for
- Someone who already knows pressure works and wants motion rather than vibration.
With a partner: four things worth agreeing first
- Who stops it. The person receiving says stop and it stops immediately, with no negotiation. Fingers come out slowly, not quickly.
- Nails and gloves. The same rule as above, and it is easier to insist on with someone else hands than your own. A glove changed between activities also solves the cross-contamination question in one step.
- A position where you can see each other. On the back with knees up is better for a first attempt than face-down, because the feedback matters more than the angle.
- Nothing moves anywhere else afterwards. A hand, a glove or a toy that has been in the anus is washed before it touches anything else, including a mouth or a vulva. This is the one hygiene rule with a real infection consequence.
Hygiene, in the order it matters
- Short nails, washed hands, gloves if you want the easy option. The single most effective step, and the cheapest.
- One direction only. Nothing goes from the anus to a mouth, a vulva or another person without being washed. Toys included, hands included.
- Wash toys with soap and water afterwards, not just a wipe. Non-porous silicone, steel and glass can be cleaned properly. Anything porous cannot, which is why unnamed-material toys have no place in this activity.
- Dry fully before storing. A damp toy in a drawer grows things. Store separately rather than in a pile, because some silicones react with each other.
- Do not share a porous toy, ever. If a toy is shared at all, it should be non-porous, and a condom over it makes the changeover trivial.
Questions people ask
- How deep is the prostate?
- About five to seven centimeters in, felt through the front wall of the rectum, roughly at the second knuckle of an inserted finger. People who cannot find it have usually gone too deep rather than not deep enough.
- Why do I feel like I need to urinate?
- Because the gland sits against the bladder and the urethra passes through it. It is the most common first sensation, it is harmless, and it passes. Emptying your bladder beforehand makes it easier to ignore.
- Do I need to do an enema first?
- No, for fingers or a small toy. A normal bowel movement and a shower are enough. Frequent enemas irritate the lining and make the tissue more fragile, which is the opposite of what you want.
- Can it be done alone?
- Yes, though the angle is awkward. Lying on your back with a pillow under the hips is the easiest position, and a toy with an external arm removes the reaching problem entirely.
- How long does it take?
- Longer than most people allow. The sensation builds over several minutes rather than arriving immediately, and stopping after a minute is the usual reason a first attempt feels like nothing.
- Is it safe to do regularly?
- For most people with no acute infection and no relevant medical history, done gently and with enough lubricant, yes. Pain, bleeding or urinary difficulty afterwards are reasons to stop and be seen rather than to adjust technique.