Sex toys (top hub & audiences)
Sex toys and menopause: the lubricant matters more than the toy
Nothing in this category needs a special toy. What changes is tissue, and that changes which ordinary toys are comfortable and which lubricant is adequate.
Falling oestrogen changes vulval and vaginal tissue in ways that are well established: less natural lubrication, thinner and less elastic tissue, a longer time to become aroused, and for some people new sensitivity or discomfort where there was none. None of that is a reason to stop, and none of it is solved by a toy marketed for menopause, because there is no mechanism in this market that addresses it.
What does help is unglamorous. Enough lubricant, of a kind that stays slippery long enough. More time before anything is inserted. Smaller and smoother than whatever was comfortable before. And, separately from anything sold as a toy, a conversation with a clinician, because local oestrogen and non-hormonal prescription options exist and are the actual treatment for tissue change. A shop cannot sell you that and a guide should say so rather than talking around it.
The honest shape of this page, then, is that the first purchase is a lubricant, the second is time, and the toy is third. That is also why there is only one purchase link below: the two things we would recommend first are made by companies that do not run their own stores, and we are not going to pretend otherwise to balance the page out.
What changes, and what each change implies
- Less natural lubrication. A thicker, longer-lasting lubricant, applied more generously and reapplied without hesitation. This is the single biggest practical difference and it is cheap to fix.
- Thinner, less elastic tissue. Smaller and smoother than before, and firm rather than textured. Ridges and pronounced shapes that were fine previously can be abrasive now, and that is about the tissue rather than about tolerance.
- Arousal takes longer. Not a loss of interest, a change in timing. The same technique applied with ten more minutes in front of it frequently works when it had stopped working.
- Sensitivity can go either way. Some areas become less responsive and some become uncomfortably more. A toy with a genuinely gentle lowest setting is worth more than a powerful one, because the usable range has moved.
- Pelvic floor tone changes too. Relevant because toys sold as pelvic floor trainers are frequently recommended here with claims they cannot support. Supervised physiotherapy is the intervention with evidence behind it; a weighted toy is at best an adjunct to it.
What we would actually buy, in order
- 1
Buy this first
Sliquid H2O / Uberlube / Pjur
A plain water-based lubricant with a short ingredient list, no glycerin and no added fragrance, which is exactly what thinner tissue needs: nothing in it that stings, and safe against every toy material and every condom.
- Strengths
- Short, published ingredient list with no fragrance
- Safe with silicone toys and with latex
- Cheap enough to use generously, which is the point
- Limitations
- Sold through retailers rather than a maker-run store, so there is no purchase link here.
- Water-based, so it needs reapplying more often than silicone-based
- Not a treatment for tissue change, which is a clinician’s business
- Best for
- Anyone whose first problem is dryness, which is most people reading this.
- 2
The toy we would start with
We-VibeWe-Vibe Touch X
Broad, flat, smooth and external, with a lowest setting that is genuinely gentle. External stimulation asks nothing of the tissue that has changed, and a wide face needs no precise aiming at a moment when precision may be uncomfortable.
- Strengths
- Gentle bottom of the range, which matters more than the top end here
- No insertion involved at all
- Stable enough to press against rather than hold at an angle
- Limitations
- Proprietary magnetic charger
- Mid-range price for a single-purpose toy
- Nothing about it is designed for this context specifically
- Best for
- A first toy when insertion is uncomfortable or simply not the priority.
- 3
Only alongside physiotherapy
Lelo Beads Plus / Fun Factory Smartballs
Weighted silicone beads of two sizes. Included with a caveat rather than a recommendation: they are a reasonable object, and the claims made for this category generally outrun what is known about it.
- Strengths
- Non-porous silicone with a retrieval cord
- Two weights, so there is somewhere to progress to
- Simple, nothing to charge
- Limitations
- Sold through retailers rather than a maker-run store, so there is no purchase link here.
- No toy in this category has evidence that it outperforms supervised exercises
- Uncomfortable or unusable if tissue is already sore, which is common here
- Best for
- Someone already working with a pelvic floor physiotherapist who wants an object to use between sessions.
What to change first, in order
Change the lubricant before anything else
A plain water-based one with no glycerin and no fragrance, used generously and reapplied. If water-based dries too fast, a silicone-based one lasts longer but cannot be used with silicone toys.
Add time rather than intensity
Arousal takes longer and the tissue changes with it. Ten extra minutes before anything is inserted solves more problems here than any purchase.
Go smaller and smoother than before
Firm, plain, non-porous. Texture that was pleasant previously can be abrasive now, and that is information about tissue rather than about you.
Raise it with a clinician if it hurts
Pain, bleeding, tearing or a change you cannot explain is not something to work around with a better toy. Local oestrogen and other prescription options exist precisely for this and they work.
Questions people ask
- Are there toys made for menopause?
- Some are marketed that way. We have not found one whose mechanism differs from an ordinary external vibrator, so the useful criteria are a gentle lowest setting, a smooth non-porous surface and a shape that needs no precise aiming.
- Which lubricant is best?
- A plain water-based one with no glycerin and no fragrance, used more generously than before. Silicone-based lasts longer and cannot be used with silicone toys. Oil-based is incompatible with latex condoms.
- Will using toys help the tissue?
- Regular comfortable activity is often encouraged by clinicians, and that is not the same as a toy being a treatment. The treatments for tissue change are prescription ones, and a toy does not substitute for them.
- Do pelvic floor trainers work?
- The exercises have evidence behind them, done correctly and consistently. That a weighted toy improves on that is not established, and supervised physiotherapy is where to start if the pelvic floor is the issue.
- Is it normal for sex to hurt now?
- It is common and it is not something to simply live with. Pain and bleeding have treatable causes in this context, and a clinician has options that no purchase on this page can replace.