Sex toys (top hub & audiences)
Sex toys for gay men: four mechanisms, and which one to start with
There is no such thing as a gay sex toy. There are toys for the prostate, toys for the penis, and toys that do both, and knowing which of those you are shopping for saves most of the money people waste in this category.
Nothing in this market is engineered for a sexuality. It is engineered for an anatomy, and the reason this search term exists is that mainstream retailers spent years filing anything to do with the prostate under a heading that made it hard to find. The practical consequence is that lists published under this term are usually a jumble of unrelated objects.
Four mechanisms cover almost everything worth buying, and they do not compete with each other. A prostate massager and a stroker are not two options for the same purpose; owning one tells you nothing about whether you want the other.
The prostate is the part worth understanding before spending anything. It sits a few centimetres in, towards the front of the body, and it responds to firm pressure rather than to fast friction or high-frequency buzz. That single fact explains why the toys designed for it are curved, firm and relatively slim, and why a long straight shaft is the wrong tool.
The four mechanisms, and what each is for
- Prostate massagers. Curved, firm, with a flared base and usually a perineal arm. Pressure is the point, not depth or size. A good one stays in place and can be left there; most of them are designed to be worn rather than thrust.
- Strokers and sleeves. External, for the penis, and the opposite design problem: texture, suction and material softness. Nothing here overlaps with the prostate toys at all.
- Rings. The cheapest category, and the one with the clearest rules. They maintain firmness and some add vibration at the base. They have a hard time limit, which is the one thing worth knowing about them.
- Plugs. Not for stimulation so much as for sensation and fullness, often worn. Shape, base and material are the whole specification, and nothing about a plug is improved by being large.
- The one thing none of them is optional about. A flared base, wider than the widest part of the shaft, on anything that goes in anally. The sphincter draws objects inward, a tapered end is not a base, and a retrieval in A and E is the predictable result of ignoring this.
Where we would start, by mechanism
- 1
The one to start with
AnerosAneros Helix / Progasm
No motor, no battery, nothing to charge: a firm moulded shape that moves with your own muscle contractions and presses where it should. It is the cheapest honest way to find out whether prostate stimulation does anything for you, and the lack of a motor is the feature rather than a compromise.
- Strengths
- Cheap relative to everything else here
- Firm enough to transmit pressure properly
- Nothing to fail or charge
- Limitations
- Takes practice, and does nothing at all in the first few attempts for many people
- Hard plastic is unforgiving if you rush
- No vibration, if that is what you wanted
- Best for
- A first prostate toy, before spending four times as much on a motorized one.
- 2
The adjustable one
LovenseLovense Edge 2
Two motors, one internal and one on the perineal arm, and the arm angle adjusts, which matters more than the motor count. Prostate depth varies between people and a fixed arm either reaches or it does not; this one can be set.
- Strengths
- Adjustable arm, so the fit is yours rather than the average
- Two independent motors
- App and remote control
- Limitations
- App dependence means an account and a phone
- Expensive
- Softer than the motor-free options, so less direct pressure
- Best for
- Someone who knows prostate stimulation works for them and wants vibration with it.
- 3
If pressure is what you are missing
LeloLelo Loki Wave 2
It does not only vibrate: the head moves in a come-hither motion, which is the mechanism that matters internally. If a vibrating prostate toy has left you feeling that something was almost happening, this is the thing to try next rather than a stronger motor.
- Strengths
- Delivers movement rather than only buzz
- Firm, well finished, fully submersible
- Strong perineal pressure
- Limitations
- Expensive
- Large, so it is not a first purchase
- The fixed curve suits some anatomy and not others
- Best for
- Someone whose complaint is that vibration alone is the wrong sensation.
- 4
The stroker that actually gets used
FleshlightFleshlight (top 3 sleeves)
The reference point in the category, and on this page as the answer to a completely different question from the three above. The case matters more than people expect, because a sleeve that cannot be dried properly inside is a sleeve that gets thrown away.
- Strengths
- Well made for the money
- Sleeve comes out for cleaning
- Many sleeve options on one case
- Limitations
- Needs drying properly or it degrades, which is more maintenance than any other toy here
- Bulky to store discreetly
- Needs plenty of water-based lubricant
- Best for
- External use, where none of the prostate toys apply.
Buying in five steps
Work out which mechanism you are shopping for
Prostate, external, ring or plug. These are four separate decisions, and most of the money wasted in this category is spent answering the wrong one.
If it is the prostate, start without a motor
A firm moulded shape costs a fraction of a motorized one and tells you whether the sensation is there at all. Buying the expensive vibrating model first is how people conclude the whole thing is overrated.
Check the base before anything else
Flared, wider than the shaft, and solid. No base, no purchase. This applies to plugs, massagers and anything else going in anally, regardless of price or brand.
Budget for lubricant, generously
The rectum produces none of its own. Water-based is the safe default with silicone, it will need reapplying, and running out mid-session is the commonest cause of a bad first experience.
Plan the cleaning before you buy
Non-porous material, a seam you can reach, and for a stroker, a sleeve you can turn out and dry fully. A toy that cannot be dried inside does not last, whatever the reviews say.
Questions people ask
- What should I buy first?
- If the prostate is what you are curious about, a firm motor-free massager. It is cheap, it tells you whether the sensation is there for you, and it makes the decision about an expensive motorized toy much easier.
- Why can I not feel anything from my prostate toy?
- Usually angle and arousal rather than power. The prostate is towards the front of the body and swells with arousal, the pressure needs to be sustained rather than thrust, and it frequently takes several sessions before anything feels distinct. A stronger motor rarely fixes it.
- Do I need a base on a plug I am only using briefly?
- Yes. The sphincter draws objects inward and there is no version of this rule that bends for a short session. A tapered end or a narrow stem is not a base.
- How long can I wear a ring?
- Twenty to thirty minutes, and off immediately at any numbness, coldness or colour change. Anything that cannot be removed by hand should not be put on in the first place.
- Can I share these toys with a partner?
- Non-porous toys, yes, with a condom changed between people or a full wash between uses. Porous materials cannot be disinfected and should not be shared. A stroker sleeve is a personal item.
- Is prostate stimulation good for prostate health?
- We are not making that claim and nor should anyone selling a toy. It is done for pleasure. Prostate symptoms, pain or changes in urinating are a reason to see a clinician.